I know who I am :)

Mood swings aren’t a common thing with me, I’m usually pretty stable with both feet planted firmly on the ground. But since I’ve had so many chaotic episodes in the last couple of months I’ve been pretty on and off recently. And I knew that things would settle down as soon as the weather started getting nicer and I started spinning some music. The last two weeks have been very busy and I can finally say I’m out of the woods. The greatest feeling you can experience is being completely happy with who you are and what you’re doing. A feeling of complete control of one’s life and one’s actions. Not regretting anything that you’ve done or will do. Treating every experience and every situation you get into as an education, as a lesson you need to take to make you even smarter. Always being the critical bastard I am, analyzing everything I do into oblivion I expect nothing less of myself before entering another relationship.

If there is one thing that I have learned from my past experience then it has to be the fact that two people who love each other should always and at all times remain two people. If you can do that then you can let go of anyone, you can solve any problem you face and you can continue to love yourself as a whole. I can’t say I’m there yet but I sure as hell feel like it. Right now I know that if there is another woman that comes into my life it won’t be a piece I’m missing nor will it be someone I will leech off of. It will be like playing Donkey Kong Country on the SNES with a friend, you can pass the level by yourself no problem but you know that you’re not alone if things get tough. Or something like that, you get the idea.

I had a gig yesterday that also made me reflect on what it is I try to do when DJing. The way it turned out was perfect, I was expecting to go with 5-6 friends and there wasn’t enough room in my car, since I haven’t played any trance music for ages I was looking forward to some people hearing me spin. Naturally as is my karma that didn’t happen and it made me think about why I do it. The gig was a very small one, from 22 till midnight and I spent an hour and half playing for an empty dance floor doing a warm up set. In any case there are two things you can do as a DJ, you can play for the crowd, in which case I would play the music I hate and everyone would have a great time except me, or you can do what I did, don’t give a shit about who’s there and what they will think (well D’OH there was no one to begin with) and have some fucking fun! It turned out to be one of my best gigs in a sense that I was never as satisfied with my beatmixing skills as I am now. And since there was no one there I played the music I like and didn’t care about the feedback (D’OH, there wasn’t any). I was actually a bit worried that I lost the touch for it since I haven’t played any 4/4 music for a while and the fact that I didn’t notice the jog dials on my CDJ100s were a bit fucked up gave me some doubts about my skills, then I realized they were fucked up and actually managed to fix them! Getting eyeballed by a few people during the end of my set because they were expecting some other music also made me question the logic of the universe they live in. I suppose a party that has the word Disco in the name and the flyer that looks like a Bonnie M concert should have full on psytrance in their universe. And I should be the one playing it for an hour and half for an empty dance floor, literally taring out my limbs in the process just for the sole pleasure they will get from the last 3 tracks they actually do get to hear. No I haven’t lost my cynicism, that’s something you don’t just throw away It’s ironic that I’ve let go of so many things and so many people and at the same time I’ve never felt more confident in what I am doing. So I will continue to play for empty dancefloors if that’s how it has to be. And I’ll see you on those summer festivals as well, so we can eyeball each other in other countries while you scratch your beard

I’m also thinking about giving up on CDs as my DJ tool, I’ve had a chance to see the Traktor Scratch Pro in action and it just turned my world upside down. It’s currently my number one investment right after I get the money to pay for the morning bread. Speaking of which I’m still waiting to get paid for my work and I spent my last money on a ticket for a High Tone concert, really looking forward to it. I’ve kept rewinding the same TM Juke tracks for a while now and they just describe my mood right now perfectly. I haven’t played any games for a while and I can’t wait to have another Super Smash Bros session with my mates. Pikachu must die!

So there’s a positive blog post for ya, well, sort of

np TM Juke - Come Away (Featuring Sophie Faricy) 

Posted on March 8th at 17:46 by Dovla Previous entry | Next entry